Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and wonder when the slowest summer of slow summers will ever end. Are you telling me it’s still only June? We have two excruciating months left in this barren sea of nothingness? The best thing about this month has been SOCCER, for crying out loud. Can’t something blow up besides an oil rig? LET’S GO!
THE BACHELORETTE – 8:00PM (ABC) After jetsetting to Iceland for a little natural spring action, Ali and the boys hop a flight on over to Turkey. And there they will find the clues they need to finally win… THE AMAZING RACE. No, wait. That’s another show. This is the one with the kissing and the crying and stuff. Anyway, tonight Ali finds out one of the dudes has a girlfriend. And that is SO not cool with Ali. Although secretly, she’s now totally into the guy with the girlfriend. I’m telling you, that’s how ladies work. Especially ones who have been on TV. They want what they cannot have. It’s why Ali won’t stop trying to engage my Gchat. ANTICIPATION: JIVE TURKEYS!
HUGE – 9:00PM (ABC Family) It’s a big night for ABC Family, with the premiere of this much-promoted hourlong drama about kids at a weight camp. Nikki Blonsky of “Hairspray” is your star, and it seems unfair that this woman can headline a massive box office hit like “Hairspray” and then be relegated to a cable TV role that specifically calls for an overweight actress. No matter, “Huge” is getting good reviews, and Blonsky is being lauded for her turn as someone who is defiantly pleased with her figure. Also on this show is Hayley Hasselhoff, daughter of THE HOFF. No word on if this show’s original title was “Canklewatch”. ANTICIPATION: BIG!
MAKE IT OR BREAK IT – 10:00PM (ABC Family) As if to overcorrect for airing “Huge,” ABC Family brings back this show about extremely skinny gymnasts for a second season. The girls are vying to make the 2012 Olympics. I say they won’t make it if there isn’t a deranged Romanian pederast yelling at them. ANTICIPATION: SMALL!
BEHIND THE MUSIC: JENNIFER HUDSON – 9:00PM (VH1) A profile of the girl who was booted from “Idol” only to then win an Oscar, only to then find out her mom, brother, and nephew were all murdered, possibly at the hands of her brother-in-law. So yeah, you could say she’s been through some things. ANTICIPATION: TEARS!
INEDIBLE TO INCREDIBLE – 10:00PM (TLC) This is the show where they take horrible looking food and repurpose it into something appetizing. Tonight, a mom’s overcooked lasagna, and something called “cranbrosia.” Let me just say now that NOTHING called cranbrosia can be made into something incredible. Passable? MAYBE. Incredible? Not buying it. ANTICIPATION: CRANTASTIC!