Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things tonight that may possibly be worth forgetting to pick up your son from T-ball practice for. LET’S GO!
LOST - 9PM (ABC)
The 2-hour season premiere. This is the final season of “Lost,” and the show is expected to answer many of the nagging questions you have about the show. Did the bomb prevent the plane from crashing? Will we finally know what the Monster is or who’s behind it? Will Jack and Kate end up together? Is Locke really dead? Who killed the Lindbergh baby? How can Cheetos be so light in weight yet make me so heavy? Is there a God? As you can see, many questions left to answer. I hope they address them all.
I’ll confess right here and now that I’ve only watched “Lost” sparingly. This isn’t because I don’t like what I’ve seen. It’s more that I haven’t had the time to sit down and take it all in, and each season just makes the task more daunting. But one day, when I’m 85 and alone with nothing, I will totally get into this show. ANTICIPATION: SKY HIGH
KITCHEN NIGHTMARES – 8PM (FOX)
I prefer the British version of this show, where Gordon Ramsay swears at people because he’s legitimately angry, and not because a FOX exec told him to start saying BOLLOCKS because it sounds quirky over here. Anyway, tonight Gordon visits Flamango’s, a New Jersey restaurant apparently owned by people who can’t spell. Will the chef in charge be a pigheaded moron who thinks his way is the right way despite his restaurant being $250,000 in debt? Oh, I think so. ANTICIPATION: LIGHT SIZZLE
SEDUCING CINDY – 9PM (FOX Reality)
Back in the 90’s, Cindy Margolis was known as the Most Downloaded Woman on the Internet. I dunno why this title stuck, given that, back in the Web Stone Age, you couldn’t literally download women (and you still can't). Anyway, Margolis posed for Playboy, got divorced, and now has her own Tila Tequila-style reality show. Who will end up seducing Cindy, besides the camera and free promo materials? ANTICIPATION: HIGH, IF THIS WERE 1998.
BLOOD AND GUTS: A HISTORY OF SURGERY – 9PM (PBS)
Tonight, the history of transplant surgeries. If they show the footage of the first ever pegleg surgery (performed on Blackbeard back in 1702), I think we ARRRRRGHHHH in for a treat. ANTICIPATION: ANXIOUS, UNTIL THE DEMEROL SETS IN
MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER – 9PM (BRAVO – An NBC/Universal network)
Consider the fact that the men on this show are all filthy rich and yet STILL require expensive matchmaking help to find companionship. Think about the kind of repellent creep you to have to be for that to happen. Are there pinky rings on this show? Oh, you know there are. ANTICIPATION: HIGH, UNTIL YOUR DATE ARRIVES