Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home, open up that new advent calendar, and open every door on it 25 days in advance. Like anyone could ration out one piece of candy a day. That’s lunacy. LET’S GO!
TOP CHEF ALL STARS – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) I was so ready to be done with you, Top Chef. I suffered through your absolute worst season earlier this year and became convinced that you were dead in the water. I didn’t even go near that dessert version. You and I, WE WERE THROUGH. But then, you had to go and assemble a Season 8 cast filled with previous contestants, set it in New York, AND bring in Tony Bourdain as one of the judges. DAMN YOU, TOP CHEF. I am helpless to resist. Once again, I’ll be tuning in for my weekly dose of food porn and Padma Lakshmi looking like someone left a fly in her soup. Your All Star cast (not to be confused with Top Chef Masters, which features established cooks competing for charity) include molecular gastronomy (don’t you hate that term?) master Richard Blais, the eternal jerk Mike Isabella, evil Dale, adorable Italian Fabio Viviani, and (guhhhhh) Angelo Sosa from last season. Did I need more Angelo in my life? No. I did not. ANTICIPATION: SUCKERED IN AGAIN!
CELEBRITY REHAB WITH DR. DREW – 10:00PM (VH1) Drew Pinsky’s annual attempt to make himself look good by being the only sane person in a room full of drunk celebrities enters its fourth season. And loogit who’s in the house! It’s former Tiger Woods mistress Rachel Uchitel, Leif Garrett, and Janice Dickinson! You talk about star power! I’m blinded by the heat their careers are giving off right now. ANTICIPATION: HIGH!
GRAMMY NOMINATIONS CONCERT – 10:00PM (CBS) The Grammys have decided to announce their nominations by throwing a miniconcert featuring the likes of Katy Perry, Justin Bieber (BIEBERRRRR!!!), and hosted by LL Cool J. So tune in and find out which U2 album from three years ago will get a dozen nods for reasons that escape you. ANTICIPATION: GRAM SLAM!
THE PRESIDENT’S BOOK OF SECRETS – 9:00PM (History Channel) This two-hour special takes a look at all the top secret info the President is privy to, including nuclear codes, confidential documents, who really killed Kennedy (Dick York!), what they did with the Roswell aliens, the recipe to Coke Classic, and a map of the top secret bunker located inside Washington’s nose on Mt. Rushmore. Come on. You knew it was there all along. ANTICIPATION: SEEEECRETS!
UNTOLD STORIES OF THE ER – 9:00PM (TLC) A man is convinced there are maggots in his baby’s hands. Can you blame him? Kids will touch anything. Their hands are revolting. I’m surprised my kids don’t have seven different strains of ebola on each finger. ANTICIPATION: MAGGOTS ARE HIGH IN PROTEIN!