Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home weekend and… hey, what’s that ominous John Williams score playing the background? Why does the ocean suddenly seem so quiet? Where’d all the fish go… OH GOODNESS GRACIOUS IT’S GOING TO EAT ME! LET’S GO!
ULTIMATE AIR JAWS – 9:00PM Sunday (Discovery) It’s been a long and dreadful summer, which is why the arrival of Shark Week is so very important. Nothing helps pass the time like seeing Great White thrash around in blood-soaked water. Tonight’s opening Shark Week special shows how Great Whites can leap out of the water to engulf their prey. Also, they catch Frisbees! It’s adorable! ANTICIPATION: CHOMPY!
INTO THE SHARK BITE – 10:00PM Sunday (Discovery) And your second hour of shark porn Sunday night profiles people who got bitten by a shark “at point blank range.” I don’t know how else a shark bite can be administered, but that’s what the guide says, so I’ll roll with it. Anyway, expect lots of puffy scars and missing limbs. If I got a scar like that, you can rest assured I’d wear a t-shirt that says BITTEN BY A SHARK 24 hours a day. ANTICIPATION: PUS!
RUBICON – 8:00PM Sunday (AMC) After multiple unannounced sneak previews, AMC’s big new political drama finally has its official debut with its opening two hours. Will AMC continue their winning streak? Early reviews say this show is terribly confusing. OR IS IT? So long as it doesn’t have a Smoke Monster, I’m cool with it. ANTICIPATION: INTRIGUE!
DANGEROUS ENCOUNTERS WITH BRADY BARR – 9:00PM tonight (NatGeo – an NBC/Universal network) Tonight, Brady profiles the dreaded cannibal squid. CANNIBAL SQUID! THE SQUID THAT EAST OTHER SQUID! I’m rapt. Does the cannibal squid also like his squid deep-fried and served with marinara sauce? He does? That’s so cool! ANTICIPATION: SQUIDDY!
DC CUPCAKES – 10:30PM tonight (TLC) A picky customer returns cupcakes made for a Sweet 16 party. Dude, you can’t return a cupcake. It’s two bites. Anyone looking for a cupcake refund is a swindler and a con artist. ANTICIPATION: YOU EAT YOU BUY IT!