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Weekend Watch List: SPEED! METAL! SPEED METAL!

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Weekend Watch List: SPEED!  METAL!  SPEED METAL!

AP

The United States' USA-3, piloted by Mike Kohn, right, and his brakeman Bill Schuffenhauer, practice during a men's two-man bobsled training run on Thursday.

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV this weekend that might make it worthwhile to stay in and eat cold Spaghetti-O’s right out of the can. LET’S GO!

WINTER OLYMPICS - 8:00PM Tonight (NBC)

TONIGHT! It’s gold medal finals of both the men’s and women’s skeleton events. Ah, skeleton. It’s luge on your belly! I have found it impossible to go belly sledding without getting snow down my collar. Ever get snow down the collar? It’s awful. You’re cold, then you’re wet, then you’re clammy, then you smell. Something tells me Olympians know to avoid this problem. Skeleton sleds can reach in excess of 85 mph, nearly as fast as Clark Griswold’s saucer sled. 

Also tonight: the men’s Super G gold medal finals, and compulsory rounds of figure skating. Is that when they wear sweats and make figure eights? Because I find that oddly compelling. ANTICIPATION: FAST

IRON MAIDEN – 9:00PM Saturday (Channel 101 – DirecTV only)

ACES HIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Bruce Dickinson and the crew perform live from their “Death on the Road” tour. Fear not. No one is actually KILLED or ritually sacrificed when Iron Maiden performs. OR ARE THEY?! ANTICIPATION: SEVENTH LEVEL OF A SEVENTH LEVEL

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES – 9:00PM Sunday (ABC)

Susan causes a stir. I met a voice actress once who claimed a certain star ruined her marriage. I’d hate to get divorced, but to be able to tell people my marriage was ruined by celebrity interference? That would be SWEET. ANTICIPATION: YES, IT’S STILL ON.

EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION – 8:00PM Sunday (ABC)

Because Tyvek House Wrap is the last thing they haven’t branded, members of KISS join Ty and company to help build a mansion for people who eventually won’t be able to afford its massive heating bill. You don’t want Gene Simmons building a house for you. Think of the structural damage some of his germs could cause. ANTICIPATION: LICK IT UP! LICK IT UP! OOOOHHHHHHH!

WINTER OLYMPICS – 8PM Sunday (NBC)

SUNDAY! The two-man bobsled gold medal final. I prefer the two-man sled to the four-man. Far more intimate. I wonder if they whisper to each other during a run. “Psst! Dan! We’re going very very fast right now.” ANTICIPATION: SLEDTASTIC.

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