PHILADELPHIA - MAY 29 : Fans of the United States cheer during a pre-World Cup warm-up match against Turkey at Lincoln Financial Field on May 29, 2010 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Hunter Martin/Getty Images)
Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home this weekend and contemplate joining the Pac-10 conference. They’ve already added Colorado and Exxon Mobil. You, my friend, are next in their sights. LET’S GO!
WORLD CUP: ENGLAND VS. USA – 2:30PM Saturday (ABC) At long last, we have arrived at this long-awaited U.S. World Cup opener. Perhaps you may not like soccer. Perhaps you’ve adopted the stance of aggressively hating soccer because you think so many people try and foist it upon you when the World Cup comes around every four years. People, I understand your reasoning, but I do not agree with it. Take it from a for soccerphobe: You will enjoy yourself watching this game, unless the U.S. gets pounded (which is totally a possibility). Watching international soccer, with the singing crowds and massive field and hysterical token Irish analysis, is great fun if you have the right attitude for it. First off, go to a bar. Then, get drunk. Real, real drunk. You’ll be cheering hard tackles and tricky corner kicks in no time. Give in, America. Like you’ve got anything better to do. ANTICIPATION: KICKY!
TONY AWARDS – 8:00PM Sunday (CBS) It’s the annual tribute to Broadway’s best, broadcast to 350 million people, 340 million of whom live nowhere NEAR Broadway. But hey, that won’t stop Broadway from trying to get you to care about Jazz Hands. Your host Sunday night is Sean Hayes. But Newsweek magazine asks, can this man be a convincing Tony host? Newsweek is controversial like that, which is why it’s going broke. ANTICIPATION: CAMPY!
STONEHENGE APOCALYPSE – 8:00PM Saturday (SyFy – An NBC/Universal network) “I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a DWARF. All right? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.” ANTICIPATION: AND OH HOW THEY DANCED, THE LITTLE PEOPLE OF STONEHENGE
I AM COMIC – 11PM tonight (Showtime) It’s an hour of comics talking about comedy. Man, do I hate it when comics do this. No one cares about your craft, jokeboy. MAKE WITH THE FUNNY. ANTICIPATION: JOKES AREN’T FUNNY WHEN YOU EXPLAIN THEM!
PARTY DOWN – 9:00PM tonight (Starz) Now this is more like it. Real comedy, not talking about real comedy. I’m pretty sure I could watch Adam Scott read a phone book. He’s a solid actor like that. ANTICIPATION: MORE GUTTENBERG!