SAN FRANCISCO, CA - OCTOBER 22: Fans wave towels as the San Francisco Giants take on the St. Louis Cardinals in Game Seven of the National League Championship Series at AT&T Park on October 22, 2012 in San Francisco, California. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
If Jeff Seidel is out to eat in San Francisco over the next week, he might want to consider using a fake name. That's because the Detroit Free Press columnist just wasted about 500 words trying to rip apart San Francisco as a baseball town.
His column, titled "Jeff Seidel: OK, I'll say it, San Francisco is a strange baseball town," is a class big-paper columnist hack-job.
It uses words like "wimpy" to describe the attractions at AT&T Park and laments the park's food as a reason why it's not a "real" "baseball" "town."
"Few San Francisco fans would ever lower themselves to eating a beer and a brat. Or even a coney," Seidel writes. "They sit there -- decked out in orange and black, waving orange towels -- watching their Giants while eating garlic fries, crab sandwiches on grilled sourdough bread, clam chowder, fried calamari, sweet potato fries with cinnamon and chipotle sprinkle, and clove garlic chicken sandwiches."
OH THE HORROR. It would, according to Seidel, get you "thrown out on your tush" in Detroit if you ate a crab cake sandwich or a glove garlic chicken sandwich at Tiger Stadium.
Nevermind what they'll do to you in Detroit if you use the word "tush" to describe your "butt." You'll get a tush-whipping faster than you can stuff down some sausage stuffed in a plastic casing.
Look, his whole column deserves the full-blown Fire Joe Morgan treatment, but I'm not the man to do it. Seidel stops just short of calling San Francisco a "bad baseball city" (it's not, clearly), and you wonder what he might have to say about the city if he weren't, you know, writing in a public newspaper.
But there's the real joke: he got paid to fly across the country, will get paid to watch baseball, and definitely got paid for one of the worst articles you'll ever read.