Punchlines ripped from the headlines

Colbert Riffs on Petraeus "Love Pentagon," Gets Help From Susan Lucci

“This isn’t just a love triangle folks, it’s a love pentagon.”

By Debra Pangestu
|  Friday, Nov 16, 2012  |  Updated 6:11 AM PDT
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Colbert Riffs on Petraeus "Love Pentagon"

Stephen Colbert waded through the Petraeus love "pentagon" during Thursday's episode.

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Late night host Stephen Colbert took aim at the scandal engulfing former CIA Director David Petraeus during Thursday’s episode, with a little help from daytime soap star Susan Lucci.

“The sex scandal is all anyone in Washington can talk about,” Colbert mused. “I wonder why the country is in financial ruin?”

Likening the scandal to a “steamy episode of ‘General’s Hospital,’ the political satirist explained how the Petraeus affair has all the makings of a good soap opera: An American spymaster has an affair with his biographer, who, incidentally, thinks the spymaster has a second girlfriend, leading the biographer to send jealous emails to the second woman from a secret email account. The emails prompt the second woman to call on her FBI friend for help, who later gets pulled off the case “because he sexted her a shirtless photo.” Meanwhile, the spymaster’s protégé, also a general, gets thrown into the mix because of a trail of emails he sent to the second woman.

“This isn’t just a love triangle folks, it’s a love pentagon,” Colbert surmised.

But the recent turn of events has caused Colbert to question the believability of the story.

“The most unbelievable part, they say that the general … he is the top commander of our war in Afghanistan,” Colbert observed. “Please. If our troops were really still fighting in Afghanistan, don’t you think we’d be hearing about that on the news instead of all this bulls---?”

Susan Lucci, however, wasn’t going to let Colbert off that easily.

Sauntering on stage against a backdrop of dramatic music, the "All My Children" star proceeded to regale Colbert with the full Petraeus “soap opera,” with each anecdote more far-fetched than the next.

“I still think it’s bulls---,” Colbert deadpans.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Lucci acquiesced.

To see Colbert’s full take on the Petraeus scandal, check out the clip below, courtesy of Comedy Central:
 

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