House Speaker John Boehner was, apparently, badly bullied by his fellow Republicans—and President Barack Obama couldn't take it anymore. So, contrary to his beliefs and campaign promises, the president decided to help that “poor, orange man.”
In the “Saturday Night Live” opening skit, Obama, played by Jay Pharoah, and Boehner, played by Bill Hader, held a joint press conference on C-SPAN, in which all the sordid—and hilarious—details of Republican harassment were revealed.
Pharoah, as Obama, said that he and Boehner would like to announce that they have reached an agreement to avoid the so-called fiscal cliff.
“In order to get the support of the Speaker, I agreed that there will be no tax increases,” Obama said. “Now, why would I do that? I mean, I won the election. I had the leverage. Why give in? Well, simply put, I felt sorry for this man.” Obama then put his hand on Boehner’s shoulder to comfort him.
What Obama said he realized was “how badly the Republican party treats [Boehner] when he even considers raising taxes.”
Obama, with occasional help from Boehner, proceeded to tell several stories of how Republicans have bullied the House Speaker. In the congressional cafeteria, they took Boehner’s milk and threw it in the garbage; and later they put a rubber snake in his office desk.
But what really gained Obama’s sympathy was what "happened on Thursday." Boehner was pushed, by fellow Republicans, into the congressional women’s bathroom, naked from the waist down.
Obama said he was so upset that he offered Boehner a deal that in return for raising taxes on "the top two Americans -- just two people" he would dissolve Social Security.
But that wasn't enough. Republicans apparently lured Boehner to a "pizza party" at an abandoned warehouse where the Speaker was pelted with rotten eggs.
“Republicans, you win, but you leave this man alone,” said Obama, consoling a crying Boehner.
During the Weekend Update segment of the show, Seth Meyers honed in on other headlines. The state of Washington recently legalized gay marriage and the recreational use of marijuana, which Meyers concluded is “great news for people who make cakes.” On Thursday, President Obama lit the national Christmas tree—an event Meyers said Fox News reported as “Obama Insults Israel.”
This week’s “SNL” host, Jamie Foxx, appeared on Weekend Update as a big, chocolaty Hostess-brand Ding Dong, grumbling over his insufficient popularity: “With all this Twinkie talk, I thought everybody had forgotten about me … Y'all act like the Twinkie is the only one with a delicious, creamy filling.”
The Ding Dong had a point.