Celebrate National Unemployment Day!

For the jobless, every day is Unemployment Day -- but here's your chance to make it special

By SARA K. SMITH

Updated 7:52 PM PST, Thu, Jul 2, 2009

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Is National Unemployment Day an actual, federally approved holiday? Well, no. But such obstacles didn't hurt National Fist Bump Day, did it?

Americans from all regions, religions, colors, creeds and walks of life today stand united by one common thread: joblessness. We're now the most unemployed we've been since the early '80s, and this hot new trend shows little sign of abating.

Every month, stats watchers wait for the numbers to come out, hoping that this will be the month we get really good news about the job market. And every month those nerdlings are disappointed, because seriously, when was the last time you or anybody you knew heard of a person actually getting a job instead of losing one? Exactly.

Somewhere in the neighborhood of 6.5 million Americans will be able to celebrate this 12th annual National Unemployment Day because they'll have nothing better to do. And that's just counting the people who are actively collecting unemployment insurance! Think of the millions more who didn't meet their state's stringent individual standards, who have already used up their benefit, or who have simply given up. Those are millions and millions of people that, collectively, we could make all those boringly employed types feel pretty darn bad that they're not celebrating this awesome holiday with the rest of us.

Here's just a few ways America's proudly unemployed have celebrated their National Day in the past:

This has included mid week trips to Vegas for $14 a night hotels in downtown (The Plaza, El Cortez or 4 Queens). Participants feasted on buffets not only of the $1.99 variety but at local strip clubs where there is no cover before 6:00 pm and meals are served. Unemployment day has also been celebrated with Bonfires at Baker’s Beach. In New York a trip to Broadway for a matinee of an unpopular Broadway with forged student IDs. It is a day to get creative and exploit whatever pennies you may have in your bank to care of the only person who really matters, yourself.

Sounds pretty fun, right?

Whatever you do on this sacred day, do not look for work. That only encourages employers to think they're "special."

Perennially underemployed freelance parasite Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and Wonkette.