Simon Cowell has feelings.
The famously prickly “American Idol” and “Britain’s Got Talent” judge penned a nearly 3,000 word op-ed to a British tabloid responding to those who he said have accused him of being an “evil ringmaster of a cruel circus.”
“I didn't get into showbusiness to make little children cry or upset a nice lady like Susan Boyle,” Cowell wrote Saturday in the Daily Mail, referring to contestants on “Britain’s Got Talent.”
Instead, he said he had “made mistakes,” especially when it came to Boyle, the Scottish YouTube sensation who reportedly suffered a meltdown after losing to a dance troupe in the “Talent” finale. Since then, Boyle has missed some performances on the show’s follow-up concert tour.
Cowell wrote that he should have noticed "troubling signs” that Boyle’s "nerves were getting the better of her."
As the competition heated up, Boyle kept telling him that she was fine and was enjoying herself.
"I thought - perhaps naively - that she was in control," he wrote.
Right before the finals, the production team called him with worries about Boyle's well being.
Cowell’s decision: “Make sure she has a friend with her all the time.”
It wasn’t until the moment of truth – when “Diversity” won -- that Cowell looked at Boyle and finally realized how unstable she was, he wrote.
“I looked over at her face and thought: 'Christ, she doesn't know how to deal with not winning.'
It was a bad moment. Afterwards, I went over and gave her a hug and tried to reassure her. 'Susan,' I said, 'my offer to record an album with you still stands.' And we agreed that we would work together; that it wasn't the end of the road for her.”
Last week, Cowell met with Boyle’s family to ask if he did the right thing by letting her continue to perform when it was clear the experience was stressing her out, he wrote.
Yes, they said.
Cowell wrote that he’d “like to believe” that his shows have contributed “more positives than negatives.”
“I'm proud that we've found real stars and given normal people a chance to fulfill their dreams.”