Actually Cellphones Don't Cause Brain Cancer: Study

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Silly people. Cell phones don't cause cancer.

    Okay all you fraidycats, you can emerge from your bunkers now, because cellphones aren't going to kill you after all.

    The Danish Cancer Society studied just about everyone in Scandinavia over 30 years, concluding there is no "clear change in the long term trends in incidence of brain tumors." This is the most conclusive study yet of the imagined link between cancer and cellphones.

    We've heard other credible scientists saying that the "radiation" from cell phones is of a wavelength that can't possibly have any effect on brain cells. Our take: if you play on people's fears, you get lots of attention.

    Attention equals funding. Scare up everybody, profit.

    Perhaps the same goes for those who dispel fears. Either way, put away your tinfoil hats, hypochondriacs, and be not afraid.