All parents have been there. But when San Francisco dad Ben Patterson decided to look after his toddler son so his wife could go out with friends, his brief single-parenting experience involving “projectile vomit” turned into a nightmare, and then promptly went viral, as these things often do.
Patterson, who describes himself as a “sympathetic vomiter,” had to pull over on the side of the road after his son threw up in the car on the way home.
The ensuing texts (or cries for help) to his wife are nothing short of hilarious, though Patterson later clarified on Facebook that the part about police arriving was a joke:
"I just pulled over and am trying not to throw up myself."
"I just threw up trying to clean him up."
"It smells SO BAD."
"I’m puking on some lady’s lawn in Burlingame and she comes out to ask me if I’m drunk while driving the kids."
"I’m trying to explain that I’m a sympathetic vomiter and can’t handle the smell."
"This is SO BAD."
And then the cops showed up, he wrote in a text to his wife.
"Because they have nothing better o do in Burlingame."
"And now a breathalyzer."
"YOU OWE ME SO BIG."
"Meanwhile Declan continues to barf."
The next text is perhaps what helped his Facebook post go viral: "WHAT DID HE EAT BECAUSE IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTING WHALE BLUBBER."
"ANSWER YOUR PHONE!!!"
"Trying to drive home with the windows down and breathing through my shirt."
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, Patterson says he passed the breathalyzer test.