Larry Ellison Razor Close to Warriors Deal: Report

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    NEWSLETTERS

    TK
    Getty Images
    Larry Ellison appears to be the winning bidder.

    Your long, tightwad-ownership nightmare is reportedly over, Warriors fans. 

    The San Francisco Chronicle is reporting that software tycoon Larry Ellison has won the bidding process and will soon be announced as the new owner of the Golden State Warriors.  KNBR and the Chronicle were both reporting the official announcement would come Wednesday, but that did not happen.

    The dollar amount of Ellison's winning bid is not yet public, but the Oakland Tribune reports that he beat out a $350 million offer from 24-Hour Fitness owner Mark Mastrov.

    Ellison has long been the Bay Area's favorite obnoxious and ruthless billionaire. His America's Cup victory his cutthroat business nature indicate that he'll throw money at this roster until they make the Miami Heat look like a swimsuit model softball team.

    For Warriors fans, this signals the end of the fantastically unsuccessful Chris Cohan ownership era. Cohan's sixteen-year tenure will be remembered for the strangling of a coach, drafting Todd Fuller with Kobe Bryant still available, a notorious moped accident, and very, very few playoff games.

    Cohan is currently being shaken down by the IRS. Ellison, meanwhile, is ranked by Forbes as the sixth-richest person alive. The franchise figures to be far better maintained in Ellison's toy chest.

    You ever hear of that hotshot Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov, the guy who just bought New Jersey Nets and runs around with Jay-Z?

    Ellison has twice as much money as that guy, as Tim Kawakami's Twittering points out

    So enjoy the moment, Warriors fans. Your mouth has permission to write checks that Larry Ellison can cash.

    Joe Kukura is a freelance writer who imagines the 10,000 Oracle employees being laid off in 2010 are sick of hearing about how rich Larry Ellison is.