Your long, tightwad-ownership nightmare is reportedly over, Warriors fans.
The San Francisco Chronicle is reporting that software tycoon Larry Ellison has won the bidding process and will soon be announced as the new owner of the Golden State Warriors. KNBR and the Chronicle were both reporting the official announcement would come Wednesday, but that did not happen.
Ellison has long been the Bay Area's favorite obnoxious and ruthless billionaire. His America's Cup victory his cutthroat business nature indicate that he'll throw money at this roster until they make the Miami Heat look like a swimsuit model softball team.
For Warriors fans, this signals the end of the fantastically unsuccessful Chris Cohan ownership era. Cohan's sixteen-year tenure will be remembered for the strangling of a coach, drafting Todd Fuller with Kobe Bryant still available, a notorious moped accident, and very, very few playoff games.
You ever hear of that hotshot Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov, the guy who just bought New Jersey Nets and runs around with Jay-Z?
Ellison has twice as much money as that guy, as Tim Kawakami's Twittering points out.
So enjoy the moment, Warriors fans. Your mouth has permission to write checks that Larry Ellison can cash.
Joe Kukura is a freelance writer who imagines the 10,000 Oracle employees being laid off in 2010 are sick of hearing about how rich Larry Ellison is.