The Week In Sports: The NBA Takes a Great Leap Forward
China has bought our country's best basketball player to go along with most of our nation's debt.
The Week In Sports: The NBA Takes a Great Leap Forward
This week in sports brought us a baseball-loving Supreme Court nominee, the worst merchandising creation in history and the Cavaliers' move to the Far Eastern Conference. China has bought our country's best basketball player to go along with most of our nation's debt. There's a movement afoot to elect Manny Ramirez to the All-Star Game; Strangely, it wasn't started by the American Council for Infertile Women. Manhattan College signed Kevin Laue, a basketball prospect born without a left hand, after reading about him in the newspaper. The news that Derrick Rose may have cheated on his SAT comes as bad news to the guy who copied off of him in Sociology 101 at Memphis. Hopefully the wizards who came up with the scratch-and-sniff cap are kept away from jockstraps now and forever. The Washington Nationals were using steroids? How bad would they be if they didn't use performance enhancing drugs? Sonia Sotomayor has ruled on two prominent sports cases in her judicial career, but her views on 1992's Dan vs. Dave debate remain a mystery. For his next trick, Jose Canseco will box a kangaroo while balancing on a wheelbarrow driven by a chimpanzee. Jeremy Shockey is tired of waiting for the season to start to get injured so he decided to pass out while partying in Vegas. Don't make Carlos Zambrano angry. You wouldn't like Carlos Zambrano when he's angry. Zambrano smash! A Nigerian man is under arrest after killing four Barcelona fans following the Champions League final, but if you give us your credit card number we can free him and share a great reward! If touchdown celebrations mattered, there's no way the Jets would have traded up to get Mark Sanchez. If the Dolphins want to see Randy Starks really dominate the line of scrimmage they should ask the opposing offensive linemen to wear police uniforms. Old bartenders have no place at Yankee Stadium, but old ballplayers are still welcome to earn large salaries. Mr. T sings "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at Wrigley Field. Insert your own "Pity the fool" joke here. Dwayne Wade gets dragged into a catfight between Gabrielle Union and another NBAer's wife. Members of the Lakers during the Kobe-Shaq days can relate. UFC has released a video game which, judging from the picture, has left Hulk Hogan surprised, constipated or a little of both. Things were looking up for Mike Tyson, with a new documentary about his life earning raves and his bit part in a new comedy, but the tragic death of his daughter provided some unwanted balance.
