The shart. The splurt. The squeaker. The SBD. When it comes to flatulence, we have enough to worry about. But thanks to companies that are looking out for us (and the people near us), the olfactory backlash of a ripper could be a thing of the past.
It’s a universal truth that everybody farts. (Everybody also poops and hurts, but not necessarily at the same time). The average person produces about a half a liter of gas daily, which shakes out to about 14 farts a day.
Whether you’re an average person, or someone who suffers from a digestive disorder, you just might benefit from some of the products exploding on the market.
The Flatulence Deodorizer is like a maxi-pad for farts. Simply place the charcoal pad in your underwear and when you unleash a growler, the charcoal filters out “the gas odor normally associated with the malodorous gassy discharge or flatus.” In other words, it de-stankifies. It’s a relief for the eco-minded as well because the pads can be washed and re-used, lasting as long as several weeks “depending on usage.” If you’re an occasional farter, you might not wish to invest $13.95 in the pad, but if you suffer from IBS or other gastrointestinal disorders, it might come in handy. As for the sound… you’re on your own there. These puppies only help with the "Silent But Deadly" ones.
However, another company has gone a step beyond and broken the sound barrier. GasBGon’s special seat cushions help mask the sound and odor of gaseous emissions. Tailgating at the big game? Taking a red eye? These seat cushions are compact and come in a variety of colors and patterns, such as Musical Solo and Silent But Deadly (an animal print). The cushions retail for $24.95 and replacement filters are available for $10.95.
GasBGon also features a line of underwear that mask odor, but not sound. The “nether garments” require a greater financial commitment. At $64.99 a pop, you’d better be willing to put those dungarees through the ringer.
So relax. Fart free. Order Mexican for that business lunch or dinner date. These products will have you covered.