atp_tyreseus/Flickr Creative Commons 2.0
A contestant salutes the crowd at the annual Hunky Jesus Contest in San Francisco.
We know he was a carpenter. We know he was a pacifist. He taught a man to fish, he died for our sins, and he was resurrected on what is now Easter. But -- more importantly -- was he hunky?
By now the Hunky Jesus Contest is as much of an Easter tradition in San Francisco as chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps (last year, the contest sent Bill O'Reilly into an apoplectic fit. We can only hope that's an annual tradition, too). Part of the 28th Annual Easter Celebration organized by irreverent mischief-makers the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the HJC took place in the city's Dolores Park on Sunday, where the sheer variety of Jesuses (Jesii?) was astounding: There were nods to the Shroud of Turin, giant wooden crosses, rapping Jesii, Jesii with dogs, Jesii Spice Girls, crowns of thorns aplenty, and -- as you might expect -- a lot of long hair and beards. (You'd be forgiven for mistaking the photos as having been taken at the Naked Hippie Pageant instead). Some hopefuls wore full-body sheets, some went for a sort of white cotton man-diaper, and some decided Jesus would dress all mystical, like he was in the cast of Hair.
The winner? Livestock Jesus, who kept the outfit tasteful (a cotton shroud, cinched with rope) and let his animal entourage shine (he showed up with live sheep and a tiny donkey).
UPDATE: Oops.. Actually, the award has (um, now) been given to Brokeback Jesus, who just can't quit you. Our apologies, and remember, turn the other cheek!