Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and realize you were duped by a satirical website. Turns out Bill Murray is NOT an enemy of the Christian right. But it seemed so plausible! He’s so laconic and subversive! Surely there are wingnuts who dislike him! LET’S GO!
PLAIN JANE – 9:00PM (the CW) New show! Expert Louise Roe gives a bunch of gals makeovers and fashion tips so that they can reveal their true feelings to guys they have crushes on. Oh, man. That sounds like a recipe for rejection and sheer ANGUISH. I can’t wait. ANTICIPATION: BACKFIRE!
TOP CHEF – 9:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) This season is set in DC, so you knew it was only a matter of time before the show forced the contestants to make food for annoying political pundits. Tonight, creepy Angelo and the gang will cook for a judging panel that includes Luke Russert (he knows what the hip young voters think!) and Joe Scarborough (he used to be conservative! I think!). Hopefully, tonight’s challenge will be one that, unlike last time, doesn’t unnecessarily spare dopes like Stephen from getting eliminated. Seriously, that guy is dead weight. How much longer are they gonna let him and Cocaine Lady hang around? I dislike challenges that somehow involve gamesmanship and lessen the importance of the food. MAKE IT ABOUT THE FOOD. I don’t care about strategy.
Also, I’m starting to think Kenny may get the boot sooner rather than later. For all his bluster and supposed advanced skill, the guy sure has been in the bottom a lot, and seems more interested in showing off technique than making, you know, good food. WHERE’S THE SOUL, MAN? Also, Ed and Tiffany might hook up tonight. I really hope it isn’t caught on film. ANTICIPATION: SPICY!
WORK OF ART – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) The first season of this show is winding down, and it looks like it’s gonna probably be Miles or Nicole taking the title at the end. Last week, Nicole made a stack of Styrofoam trays that the judges went nutso over. I didn’t get it. It looked like hanging garbage. They ultimately chose a PILE of garbage Peregrin made (seriously, it looked like a pile of garbage). So now you know how to win this show: make sure anything you make looks like garbage. It’s so chaotic and messy, like life! ANTICIPATION: GARBAGE!
MAN VS. FOOD – 9:00PM (Travel Channel) Why must food be the enemy? Food is your friend. It’s delicious and sometimes it has chocolate. You needn’t see it as an adversary. Tonight, Adam tries to eat 7 lbs. of seafood, 7.5 lbs. of pasta, and 2.5 gallons of ice cream. Shouldn’t this show be called “Man vs. Toilet”? ANTICIPATION: WHAT SMELLS?
TOSH.0 – 10:30PM (Comedy Central) This show beats Stewart and Colbert in the ratings. Hmmm, I wonder why. Is it because it doesn’t have boring interviews? Yep, that’s pretty much the golden key right there. ANTICIPATION: NO BORING INTERVIEWS!