I started working in finance as a bank teller when I was 21 years old. Surrounded by ambitious colleagues and wealthy clients, I was inspired to take more control of my money. 

I learned everything I could, picking up books about financial education, building my credit and focusing on my savings. I did not grow up with money, and for a long time, I thought that homeownership wasn't in the cards for me. But thanks to my work and dedication, I bought a house at 26.

It was a major milestone, but it also triggered something I didn't expect: financial trauma. Financial trauma is an emotional, psychological response that stems from any event or experience that has negatively affected your relationship with money. 

This realization, and the work I did afterwards, was what inspired me to become a financial therapist. I wanted to do everything I could to help others in the same boat. 

When unaddressed, financial trauma can lead to a fear of success and prevent you from achieving important goals. Here's how to handle it. 

How to spot and handle financial trauma

On paper, someone may seem to have it all together, but they feel stuck moving forward on a big financial goal. As they start walking the path, they self-sabotage. 

I know this feeling well. I remember having panic attacks and wanting to pull my home application many times. The process brought up a lot of traumatic memories, including a particularly vivid one of seeing an eviction notice on the front door of my family's apartment. 

I felt anxious about making a massive purchase, stepping into an experience for which I had no frame of reference, and not being able to take care of the house and the upkeep. 

I came to understand that the house wasn't just a status symbol or a way to grow my wealth. I wanted to establish a sense of security that I didn't have as a child.  that went all the way back to childhood. I needed to honor that — not talk myself out of a dream that meant so much to me because I was afraid. 

To help my clients move through similar tough feelings and fears, I developed a framework called "The Three E's."

How to follow 'The Three E's'

1. Exposure. This step is all about identification. When I work with clients, I try to help provide them language to describe what they are dealing with, so it doesn't loom quite as large. That knot you feel in your stomach when you go to check your balance might be financial anxiety. The mistrust you might have of banking institutions might come from financial trauma. When you can name and understand why something affects you so strongly, it has less power.
2. Education. Once you have that emotional vocabulary in hand, it's time to learn as much as you can about these financial systems, to make them less intimidating. For me, this looked like understanding what makes up a credit score, how to improve it and how to qualify for a mortgage. Learning about which financial professionals would be the best fit to help with your unique situation and needs would also fall into this category.
3. Execution. This is the process of putting it all together. From a purely financial standpoint that might be the act of budgeting or seeing an advisor. From a mental health perspective, this might look like working with a therapist to address that past trauma, identifying what triggers you and finding healthy ways to cope.

Working toward a future of financial empowerment

Trauma that isn't properly dealt with can be inherited. If your grandparents or parents had a scarcity mentality, or on the flipside, a tendency to overspend, that can affect you, without you even realizing it.

There can also be many invisible walls that elicit a "freeze" response when it comes to our money. You might feel like you have too many options ("Should I save, invest or spend?") or you project outcomes that happened yet, or may not happen at all ("If I put my money into the stock market, what if I lose it all?)

What helped me overcome my financial trauma the most was talking to friends and family. They reminded me how far I had come and that they would be there for me. Their support helped quiet all the "what if" scenarios in my head. What if a tree falls on the roof? What if I need a new furnace or water heater?" What if I can't afford an emergency?

That, combined with mental health practices like mindfulness exercises, breathwork and intentional movement, helped me get over the finish line. 

Our relationship with money is so much more than numbers on a spreadsheet or in a bank account. We interact with money through our minds, bodies and souls. There is no one-size-fits-all fix for financial trauma. But using the three e's to help identify what yours looks like, where it lives in your body, and how it affects your decision making is a great place to start. 

Committing to this work can help you move towards healing and financial empowerment. 

Rahkim Sabree is an award winning financial therapist, Accredited Financial Counselor®, author and speaker with an emerging voice in the fields of financial therapy and financial empowerment. He is passionate about demystifying financial trauma among underserved communities. Learn more about Rahkim's work and his upcoming book by subscribing to his newsletter, Overcoming Financial Trauma.

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