Out Of North Bay Parents' Grief, Help For Thousands Of “Socially Isolated” Teens

It is out of the darkest day of Laura Talmus' life that a brighter future might be in store for tens, perhaps hundreds of thousands middle school students across the country.

That number is just how many have been touched through at least one of the programs organized by the North Bay-based non-profit, Beyond Differences.

"Each year we have grown and doubled and doubled and doubled in size," said Talmus, who founded the group six years ago with her husband, Ace Smith.

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The dark time for Talmus and Smith that was at the root of Beyond Differences was the sudden death at the age of 15 of their daughter, Lili.

Lili was born with a cranial facial disorder, Apert Syndrome, that left her looking different than her peers but otherwise was a completely typical young girl. Talmus believes, however, Lili's appearance may have played a role in her becoming socially isolated when she entered middle school.

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Talmus said she would regularly get calls from her daughter in the middle of the school day. "It used to break my heart," Talmus said. After finishing her lunch, Lili would call her mother from the girls' bathroom crying, wondering how she would spend the rest of the time without anyone to sit with.

Talmus and Smith eventually un-enrolled Lili from her school and began to home school her. Talmus said her daughter began to thrive and started to attend a private high school in the Midwest before her untimely death. At Lili's funeral, some of her writings from her difficult time in middle school were read. Upon hearing them, a group of Lili's peers from middle school approached Talmus.

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The told her had they known of Lili's struggles, they would have acted differently toward her. They told Talmus they wanted to do something to honor Lili's memory.

It was the beginning of Beyond Differences.

Talmus and the group of then-high school students began leading assemblies at middle schools spreading their message of kindness and inclusion. Another one of Beyond Differences' initiatives, "No One Eats Alone," has spread like wildfire across the country. Held every February, more than 1,000 schools participated across the country involving half a million students.

As the organization has grown, however, Talmus says the focus has shifted away from Lili. She's OK with that. Talmus says Beyond Differences was never intended to be solely a memorial to her daughter. It was meant to be a dynamic force for good in the world. Talmus thinks they are off to a good start.

"These children are going to grow up and be parents in the next fifteen years. My money is on them."

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