Monday Watch List: House! Housewives! Jailhouses!

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and burn the candle at both ends. What does that even mean? Do you know of any candles that have wicks you can burn at both ends? What would you do with said candle? Would you brandish it like Death Maul’s double light-saber? Wouldn’t it drip over everything? I have so many problems with this dopey metaphor. LET’S GO!

HOUSE – 8:00PM (FOX) We got House rapping at the beginning of the year, and so it only makes sense to bookend this season with him doing drunken karaoke with Foreman and Chase. But I’m warning you “House” writers one final time. I have let you get away with an awful lot on this show. The rapping. Thirteen’s entire character. The episode where John Larroquette has been in a coma for years and can IMMEDIATELY FREAKIN’ WALK when he wakes up… you are running out of freebies. There’s no need for such goofiness. Just make with the seizures and insults and I don’t have to come and get you. Tonight, a groom falls ill. And what the team discovers will SHOCK and HORRIFY you. Or so I’ve been told by pushy FOX voiceover guy. ANTICIPATION: KARAOKE SCENES ARE FOR BAD J-LO MOVIES

ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED – 9:32PM (ABC) I didn’t even realize this show existed until yesterday when I looked at the ratings chart and it was way up there and I was like, “What is THAT?” I assumed it was some “Bachelor” spinoff in which the 10th girl booted is followed around with cameras as she’s rejected from other reality shows, like “Sex Decoy”. But no! It’s a comedy, and it stars Alyssa Milano, and it’s killing in the ratings since it airs right after “Dancing.” Aw yeah, coattail ridin’! ANTICIPATION: TEEN STEAMY!

CSI: MIAMI – 10:00PM (CBS) A jewelry heist ends in murder. Looks like this diamond was a little too far… in the rough. YEAHHHHHHHH! ANTICIPATION: SUNGLASSES!

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) It’s the season premiere of that show about rich women who don’t like each other. Tonight, Snooki throws a fundraiser… and then The Situation punches her right in the face! What’s that? That’s not this show? This is that same show, only with 15 years tacked on to the characters? Oh, I get it. ANTICIPATION: BON JOVISH!

WOMEN ON DEATH ROW – 10:00PM (WE) And add ANOTHER fifteen years to the above show… and this is what you get. ANTICIPATION: NOT AS SEXY AS I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE!

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