Still sore over not getting invited to Alex Smith's wedding two weeks ago? You know, there's a way for you to get back in 49ers #1overall bust's good graces -- his wedding registry is still up online.
Via the jokers over at Deadspin, we learn that Smith's wedding registry is still up on WeddingChannel.com. We also learn that the newlyweds are really, exceptionally fond of cake stands. They asked for three of them.
One can only imaging the scene at Smith and his bride's wedding reception, with all of Smith's buddies lifting one another upside-down into the air and guzzling sloppily from the tubes of three different beer kegs. And Smith yelling at them, "I said CAKE stands, you idiots! CAKE stands!"
It seems unreasonable to make general psychological conclusions about an individual based on what they and their life partner have chosen to place in their wedding registry. But come on, the guy asked for a fondue pot. Obviously the chick wears the pants in this relationship.
For you last-minute shoppers -- two-weeks late shoppers, actually -- there is still an unfilled request on the registry! And what do you get for the guy who got $24 million guaranteed, and was paid $8.5 million last year for not taking the field one even one single play? Well, no one's gotten him that Tools of The Trade 14-piece Belgian cutlery set yet. It's on sale for $179.99! You'd hate to see a young couple just getting started have to spring for that themselves.
Perhaps it's a little rude to be peeking into the wedding registries of people you don't know just because they're famous. But there are opportunites here to help Smith work his way through career problems. The next time he appears in a game, his teammates can tell him, "They're not booing. They're saying 'fonduuuuuuue'...."
Joe Kukura is a freelance writer who, on second thought, might kind of like one of those fondue pots.