It's a magical time of year, unless you work at the mall. "A Merry FORKING! Christmas" at the Off-Market Theater in San Francisco chronicles the shopping frenzy through the eyes of a pot-dealing Santa, a mall security guard, a bride-to-be deserted and a bored mortician. Although the show is scripted, the audience votes on where they want the story to go. Get $20 tickets for the 8 p.m. show here.