If you have some library books you haven't returned, no need to come up with an excuse -- the San Francisco Public Library is accepting overdue books and will ignore any related fines as part of an amnesty program.
The SFPL has even enlisted some local celebrities who offer their excuses for not returning books earlier, including the Hero of the Hudson, Captain Chesly B. "Sully" Sullenberger III.
Unfortunately, the amnesty doesn't include fines you might already owe.
Compared to the comedians, Sully comes off as dignified if a bit earnest. Still, he managed a decent punchline: "Maybe you're just trying to think of a really, really good excuse, like it got lost in the Hudson River."