Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch at home while you still accidentally write “/10” when dating a check. It takes me roughly seven months into any new year to remember that it’s a new year. LET’S GO!
THE BACHELOR – 8:00PM (ABC) A new year means a new season of ABC’s annual catfight parade. Your lucky single fellow this season is Brad Womack, and if that name sounds familiar, it’s because Brad has already been the bachelor once before on this show, back in 2007, when he decided to pick… no one. Now he’s back. So wait a second, are you telling me that you can go on this show, sleep your way around with 30 women, choose no one to fake propose to, and then be invited back to do it all AGAIN? Holy smokes, Brad Womack is an evil genius. I admire his derring-do. Tonight, Brad will be confronted by the two ladies he snubbed at the end of his first season, and the guide says he gets slapped! DAY-UM! I like it already. ANTICIPATION: SLAP HAPPY!
THE CRAIGSLIST KILLER – 9:00PM (Lifetime) Former BU med student Philip Markoff was charged with robbing three women (and murdering one) who advertised erotic services on the Internet. Markoff killed himself in August of last year. And if you don’t think this while story doesn’t scream out Lifetime TV movie, well then you don’t know your Lifetime as well as I do. ANTICIPATION: SAD!
ENOUGH ALREADY! WITH PETER WALSH – 8:00PM (OWN) Yes, people. Oprah’s television network is now armed and fully operational. It won’t be long until OWN, does in fact, own you and a significant portion of your assets. Tonight’s offering is this cleanup show hosted by organizational designer Peter Walsh, who’s apparently very good at telling you to pick up after yourself. ANTICIPATION: BEHOLD THE POWER OF OPRAH!
HOARDERS – 10:00PM (A&E) There’s no better hoardin’ than animal hoardin’, and tonight A&E proves it by trotting out a woman who’s hoarding over 500 chickens (mmmm) and a couple who own 30 rabbits. Now how long do you think it will take before the rabbits outnumber the chickens? Seven seconds? ANTICIPATION: BUNNY LOVE!
TRUE LIFE: I HAVE A FETISH – 10:00PM (MTV) I have a fetish, too. I’m a nymphomaniac and I’m only attracted to women who hoard chickens. ANTICIPATION: FREAKY!