Monday Watch List: Bad Chefs, Bad Doctors, Bad Puns

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things tonight that may possibly be worth skipping your probation hearing for. LET’S GO!

Before we get into the Watch List, keep in mind that February Sweeps start tonight! WOOHOO! YEEHAW! That means new TV episodes for a whole month. And, man alive, do you ever need that this time of year.

HOUSE - 8PM (FOX)

Tonight, House treats a huge college football star suffering from a mysterious ailment. It’s just like “The Blind Side,” only with lupus.

Also, I’d like to echo the sentiments of most House fanboys and fangirls when I ask that Thirteen’s storylines be surgically removed from the hit series. No one enjoys staring into Olivia Wilde’s luscious eyes much as I do, but even I agree that she’s getting way too much screen time as the token doctor who JUST… CAN’T… LET… GO. Enough already. ANTICIPATION: HIGH.

WORST COOKS IN AMERICA - 8PM (Food Network)

This is a new series on Food Network. Given the title, you would assume it’s about Paula Deen and her family, but NO! No, this is a cooking competition with contestants who can’t cook. This worries me a bit.

The whole point of watching cooking competitions is to look at the food and drool in your lap. Do you want to see people burn melba toast for an hour? That would be like hosting a singing competition for people who can’t sing. Wait, that’s “American Idol.” I guess I could see the appeal. ANTICIPATION: MILD, AND A BIT TOO SALTY.

HEROES - 9PM (NBC)

Tonight, HRG’s past is revealed. The last time they did this, in the first season’s “Company Man,” they came up with the best episode in the history of the series. Will the show get its heat back by focusing in on its best character? I dunno, but you can never shoot Eric Roberts dead too many times for my tastes. ANTICIPATION: SOMEWHAT HIGH, BUT WITH CROSSED FINGERS

CSI: MIAMI - 9PM (CBS)

Is a man sitting death row really guilty? Horatio and the team have only 24 hours to find out, and to make all the best capital punishment one liners they can. I suggest:

“An injunction like that would be… LETHAL.”

“Looks like someone doesn’t want to be CHAIRman after all.”

“I’ll tell you one chamber that ain’t a gas…”

ANTICIPATION: ELECTRIC

INTERVENTION – 9PM (A&E)

Tonight, a special in-depth look at people addicted to huffing. If a two pack a day Sharpie habit is wrong, I don’t want to be right. ANTICIPATION: HIGH, BUT NOT THAT KIND OF HIGH, BECAUSE DRUGS ARE BAD.

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