Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and resolve to finish reading that Cormac McCarthy novel. Man, this guy is a good writer. But seriously, would it KILL him to write a sentence that isn’t two paragraphs long? A period! I need a period here! My eyes are gonna fall out of my head! LET’S GO!
Your celebrity mentor this week is the one and only Usher. And what is Usher’s advice for the superstar wannabes this week? Well, turns out I have a copy of his letter to the contestants. It says, “Dear Idol gang, just a reminder: if you REALLY want to become a celebrated artist, be sure to go through at least one horribly painful and highly publicized breakup with a girlfriend, spouse, or mistress at least once every five years. Talk about good material!” ANTICIPATION: DRAMA!
LOST – 9:00PM (ABC)
Tonight’s episode is called “The Package”. What does it mean? Is there an H-bomb in the package that will blow up the island AGAIN and create a third parallel universe where everyone is purple? What does the guide mean by, “Locke confronts his enemy”? Do they mean Linus? In the other dimension? Will Sun-Hwa ever reunite with her husband? Will cold fusion ever be a reality? What REALLY happened to Noah’s Ark? WHY CAN’T I DEBONE A NICE PIECE OF FISH PROPERLY?! So many questions: ANTICIPATION: MUDDLED!
JUSTIFIED – 10:00PM (FX)
Two ex-convicts want to boost their street cred by taking on Raylan. Bad move, gents. Don’t you know Raylan is the central character of the show and that the writers will NEVER kill him off? God, fictional ex-cons are so dumb. ANTICIPATION: DELIGHTFULLY VIOLENT!
16 AND PREGNANT – 10:00PM (MTV)
Pregnant Nicole is very much in love with her younger(!) boyfriend, but not everyone in her family is supportive. Who would have guessed that a pregnant teenager might be lacking in necessary family support? ANTICIPATION: ANGUISH!
MAYDAY! BERING SEA – 10:00PM (Discovery)