Vernon Davis Goes All "Zoolander" On Us

49er tight end's passion for fashion has all the sports blogs in stitches

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    NEWSLETTERS

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    Vernon Davis fashions himself as a styling kind of guy.

    Vernon Davis' recent interview with a fashion magazine shows that he's a style connossieur and men's apparel enthusiast nonpareil. If there really was such a thing as the "fashion police", Davis would be RoboCop in a Brooks Brothers fleece polo.

    But the interview is gaining more and more notoriety on the Web, eliciting a wave of mockery, wisecracks, and  "not that there's anything wrong with that"s.

    In an interview with Honey Magazine, a publication which sounds like it should be porn but is actually "a first-in-class destination site for multicultural urban women", Davis shows a knowledge and awareness of men's fashion that makes Ralph Lauren look like Ralph Wiggum.

    "Dolce, Gucci and Louis Vuitton make excellent accessories and leather goods," Davis says, assessing the current state of contemporary mens' apparel. "I got a chance to preview Gucci's menswear Fall ‘09 and woooo!"

    You can imagine that a few adolescent-minded sports blogs are having a good laugh at Davis's expense after that interview. And you can imagine that links to the really funny ones are compiled and linked for you below.

    The interview highlighted Davis' involvement in a recent Styling the Modern Man event, held here in San Francisco. I'd like nothing more than admonish all these sports blog jokers by pointing out that the Styling the Modern Man event benefitted some sort of worthy non-profit or charitable foundation. But it didn't. It was just basically just two days of "man-centric lectures and runway presentations" for guys who put neurotic amounts of time and money into their appearance. 

    Two-bit internet comedians like me can sit here and mock Mr. Metrosexual all we want, though looking at him I doubt any of us would do so to his face.

    Deadspin razzes Davis for his admission that he carries a "murse" or "man purse." The comments on that post seriously brings the funny, reading like a Web 2.0 version of a Rip Taylor celebrity roast. "What Vernon Davis does not carry: Footballs into end zones," zings one commenter.

    SF Weekly uses the interview to bring up an occasion where a Weekly writer actually met Davis at an Old Navy, and wonders, "After setting foot in Old Navy, did he rush home and take a shower? Did he have to do the equivalent of seven Hail Marys at the church of Kanye West? Did he need to apologize to Salvatore Ferragamo personally?"

    An SFGate blog gets theirs in too, asking, "How much you want to bet strong safeties won't be chanting "man purse, man purse, man purse" across the line this season?"

    And the unapologetically adolescent national blog With Leather vents in their post, "If there’s not a laptop in it, it’s a purse!"

    But the amateur Photoshop job that With Leather posted is truly offensive. Not so much offensive to Davis or to the LGBT community, but to the Photoshop-literate community. Seriously, guys, grow up -- learn use the Smudge tool, take it easy on the Hue/Saturation knob, and realize the Outer Glow on the purse is completely uncalled-for.

    There's nothing wrong with a guy who actually has two style points to rub together. In fact, some of us guys really ought to pay more attention to that kind of thing. But you've got to wonder know if all this haute coteur is going to be consistent with Coach Singletary's vision of  "physical with an F".

    Joe Kukura is a freelance writer whose idea of a men's fragrance is extra onions on that chili cheeseburger.