scha·den·freu·de /ˈʃɑdnˌfrɔɪdə/-noun
satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.
[Origin: 1890-95; < G, equiv. to Schaden harm + Freude joy]
On This Week In Schadenfreude we explore the sputtering rage, gibbering condemnation, and resigned ennui of the college football fan who has recently undergone humiliating defeat. Because even in your darkest hour, someone else is suffering too, and probably worse than you. Unless you are a Michigan fan who has just finished watching the Appalachian State game.
Your Tears of Unfathomable Sadness victor for this week is blindingly obvious: Ohio State. Unfortunately, the massive OSU message board at The O-Zone expires posts after only a day or so, so I can't link to the source of this, but one Buckeye fan provided a script for Ohio State versus Non Big Ten/MAC/I-AA Opponent:
By meckbuck on 23:12:26 09/13/08 1. Start of game: Big play and/or Big Drive which throttles complete irrational exuberance including misguided phone calls to other fans with quotations such as "..and WHO said we were going to get our butts kicked this game? - HA HA!!" 2) 1Q/2Q: Irrational exuberance replaced with mass panic as defense breaks down and stupid error spikes - opposing team dominance officially sets in now firmly setting the tone for the rest of the game 3) End of 2Q: Praying to your God for halftime to come as soon as possible so beating (which has usually reached a pinnacle by now) can at least cease for a few minutes 4) Halftime: Glimmer of hope slightly returns due to ancient halftime rituals and slogans which no longer hold true in the modern work [probably means 'world' -ed] - such as "still a lot of football to be played" - "need to make slight halftime adjustments" 5) 3Q: Opposing team dominance returns with a fury. All halftime adjustments officially unwound. Mass panic numbed with large quantities of alcohol or OTC drug-induced sleep 6) 4Q: I'm not sure even what happens in the 4th Q. At this time announcers are talking about local food joints, future schedules of the winning team, and various Heisman situations in order to hold onto any remaining viewership who have not switched over to Simpson reruns. 7) Next day at work with other non-OSU fan - pure torture
If these weren't Ohio State fans we were talking about, someone, somewhere, might be experiencing the tiniest shred of sympathy. Since we are talking about OSU, a nation says "Buckeyes, your tears are so yummy and sweet."
The rest of the week in spleen after the jump.
BIG TEN | ||
Yes, Virginia, the entire conference sucks and will continue to do so until Rich Rodriguez gets Michigan back on its feet and Joe Paterno yields to someone else. With that out of the way: Michigan barfed up six turnovers in a hideous, rain-soaked loss to Notre Dame. I usually give the alma mater a fair bludgeoning here, but Michigan fans are just happy to see their quarterback complete a forward pass and there's not a whole lot of spleen out there. First year coaches make for slim pickings. We do have this from The Only Game That Matters: Unfortunately, the rest of it is this: There's no fun to be had here, folks. The other reaction: what 1-2 start? If you thought to yourself "I bet this post is accompanied by a picture of the Iraqi Minister of Information" you win a nickel: Here's a nickel, kid. | ||
PAC 10 | ||
Yeesh... can we pick the whole conference? No? Where to start, then? How about a team with a Scout site that wonders if Jerry Glanville can pull off a second straight upset of a Paul Wulff-coached team and causes the reader to wonder "would that really be an upset?" Washington State, come on down! How bad is it in Pullman? Let's check in with CougZone.com:
That was my thought when I heard they agreed to fly in Friday afternoon and play that night. That is basically unheard of, and would put any team at a big disadvantage. Especially, when there were a fair number of players on their first real "road game". Meanwhile at CougFan.com, one poster has a radical solution to the dire football being played in the state: It's time for the merger.UWSU sounds like a winning idea. | By agreeing to reschedule with Baylor, was Sterk conceding the season? | |
By agreeing to reschedule with Baylor, was Sterk conceding the season? | ||
Meanwhile, UCLA got smashed into little tiny bits by BYU. Then BYU tracked down the tiny bits and smashed them into tinier bits. Then the second half started. The obvious go-to place for violent internet retribution is Bruins Nation, the SBNation UCLA blog that spent much of last year in a spittle-flecked rage over Karl Dorrell's continued existence. Surely there will be some good eats over the-- Right now ... we don't need outsider's "pity" or calls for "gut check" who in their cursory interest in writing about our program never really cared to deal with with facts and failed to recognize what our program has gone through this past decade. Let the MSM types cackle all they want. We need to stick together with this team and with each other. Aw, goddammit. Fans in year one of the rebuilding project are never any fun. Wait... wait, okay, here we go: Soccer is basically football, right? | ||
And then there's Arizona State, which gacked up a game against UNLV. Pitchfork Nation has half of the mob equipment covered, and they made a quick run to Tempe Torch & Pitchfork, Inc., for the torches: Good point. We might be revisiting the Sun Devils in the near future. | ||
Cal lost to a Maryland team that had just been soundly beaten by a school so obscure it couldn't even get a cardinal direction for its name, and while normally TWIS concerns itself with fan reaction ("let us never speak of it again" ), in this case Cal running back Jahvid Best said it all on Saturday: Gatorade or is Best an alien? Inquiring minds want to know. | ||
SEC | ||
Auburn got a stoppage-time winner from HA HA THAT WAS A LOW SCORING GAME WASN'T IT. Uh, yeah, they beat Mississippi State by the sublime score of 3-2. Tiger fans are handling this rationally:
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BIG EAST | ||
Syracuse 13, Penn State 55, crying child: Lather, rinse repeat. | ||
Holy hopscotching hell, what happened to Rutgers? They lost to North Carolina 44-12? Insert "Greg Schiano should have taken Michigan job" reference here. We have an understandably brief liveblog from Bleed Scarlet that starts off much like a Wes Craven movie: And ends pretty much like a Wes Craven movie: But at least Rutgers students are from the classiest state in the union: You can't chop wood with that, son. | ||
BIG TWELVE | ||
Kansas lost to USF, which is a totally respectable sort of loss if you have any memory whatsoever of Kansas football before 2007. This dip doesn't: Old Smoke, and Mirrors will have to work doubly hard to get half of the results this year.Outmanned against USF, is an understatement. Almost against La Tech. How will that play against a real Big XII opponent. As the eternal optimists blather on, or as years of conditioning to KU FB have taught us.Dude... dude. I don't even know where to start. Someone find that man, dip him in honey, and place him outside Magino's office. | ||
ACC | ||
Virginia is not good. They are very, very not good. You can tell because they lost 45-10. To UConn. I really hope the proprietor of Dear Old UVA didn't root for or bet on the Buckeyes... ...because dude probably went Jahvid Best all over his living room |