Starting the Carmelo-to-the-Kings Rumor, Just for Fun

The Not All That Great Carmelo Anthony To Cleveland Debate fizzled out pretty quickly, all things considered. The best New York Knick and the brand name for all its on-court dysfunction was listed as a potential future Cavalier except that the Cavs stomped out a rumored Anthony-for-Kevin Love trade on the grounds that it seems absolutely nuts.
 
Indeed, all the Anthony rumors have been crushed within hours of their floating either by Anthony's no-trade clause or by their basic implausibility. The latest one, in which the Knicks send Anthony to the Los Angeles Clippers for a package which includes neither Blake Griffin, Chris Paul or DeAndre Jordan, seems destined to die the same hideous death.
 
Which leaves us to wonder, frankly, why nobody has even bothered to construct a Melo-to-Sacramento rumor yet. I mean, what better place?
 
The Kings, as we all know are the wackiest ship in the entire NBA fleet from top to bottom, and there seems no rhyme or reason to anything they do or don't do. You may blame owner Vivek Ranadive for this, or general basketball mind Vlade Divac, or center DeMarcus Cousins, but they are heading toward the All-Star break (and the trade deadline) in 10th place, barely winning 40 percent of their games and as weird as ever.
 
So why not Carmelo Anthony? And no, we don't need any explanations about why it doesn't make sense or wouldn't work with Ranadive's Warriors 2.0 style obsession, or cap issues, or what the Knicks would get back. As Red Auerbach almost surely never said, "Details, schmetails."
 
Anthony-to-Sacramento is the perfect way to end this latest example of why the Knicks' popularity is almost inexplicable to anyone not living in New York. They are in their way as nonfunctional as the Kings, and while the Knicks have a prouder history, nearly everyone has a prouder history. The Kings are not the bar by which successful teams measure themselves, except by saying, "Thank God we're not them."
 
So, why not Anthony to the Kings? Now that Adam Silver is freed from his labor negotiations, he could decree it, Stern style.
 
At least he could in this fictional world I have constructed in which Anthony to Sacramento could happen.
 
But in fairness, most rumors can't happen for one compelling reason or another. Most of them are floated by interested parties (typically agents and general managers) who want to move players without regard for those with whom they collaborate on deals.
 
So with that as the backdrop, I see no compelling reason why we couldn't want Anthony in Sacramento, preferably with rather than without Cousins. For one, neither you nor I have ever watched a coach pull off his own head, and while we have no particular animus toward Dave Joerger, who wouldn't want him yanking his brain box off at the neck when the news was broken to him? We live for disasters – as long as they don't happen to us, of course.
 
So in planting this seed, though it is low on details (because who gives a damn how it happens as long as it happens?), we hope that will find fertile soil in Ranadive's head and in Knick owner Jimmy Dolan's heart – because the playoffs are a long way off, only four and the very outside five teams have even the remotest chance of reaching the Finals, leaving 24 more teams that need an entertaining narrative, including Philadelphia, which has stopped deliberately trying to lose more games that it can play.
 
Besides, any championship series that doesn't put the Warriors and Cavaliers together again will only serve to inflame and enrage the chattering classes and the fans who support them. And that's five months away.
 
As an alternative, put Melo, Boogie, Vivek, Jimmy, Vlade, Sactown, Gotham and the general absurdity of it all together and what you get is the makings of one of the great rumors of the age.
 
Yeah, it'll die in three days, but all rumors die in three days unless you really work hard at feeding it steady trainloads of internet-grown manure. I say we give it a go as soon as the Clipper deal dies the hideous death it so richly deserves.