Jonas Brothers Clothing Line Finally Here

I don't get the Jonas Brothers, and I don't know too much about them other than (a) teenage girls regularly freak out over them, (b) they wear chastity rings or something like chastity rings, (c) down to the kind of Charmin they use to wipe their asses, their lives are actively controlled by Disney shareholders, and (d) they make me feel -- at the relatively ripe age of 24 -- so, so old. Yes, I'll admit it: I'm bitter about both not understanding the Jonas Brothers and sometimes, not being a Jonas Brother. Well, now, at least I can dress like one.

Via Racked and WWD, the Jonas Brothers clothing line is finally going to arrive at luxe retailers Wal-Mart, Kmart, Sears, and JCPenney, just in time for tween girls to buy them for school and just in time for the premiere of their new show on Disney. Okay, so I might not be able to dress the part. But controversy! The spokesperson behind all of this “admitted the brothers aren’t involved with the design of the product since the clothing is based on the characters they play on the show, not on their real day-to-day lives. Because they are on tour, none of the Jonas Brothers was available for comment.”

So: the Jonas Brothers clothing line is based on three young men who really have nothing to do with the clothing other than the branding, for young girls, to retail at department stores across America. You tell me—which girls are going to wear Jonas Brothers-branded (but not approved) clothing to school this year? The ones whose parents are fully intent on scarring their kids for life, that’s who. Girls are mean, especially girls of the age that they’re going to market this (probably) sweatshop-produced fashion dreck to. Parents who want their kids to get made fun of, go buy them some Jonas threads. You want your kid to grow up to be an enlightened individual capable of both rational, intelligent thought and the kind of emotional stability that doesn’t involve three teenage robots inciting Riot Act-level fervor? Let them dress themselves. In anything but this.

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