Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and decide whether or not to stay in Cleveland, or go somewhere else. Anywhere else. LET’S GO!
TOP CHEF DC – 9:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) Okay, so Angelo and Kenny got their comeuppance last week during the whole school lunch challenge. But this is Top Chef. No one really cares if you can make a low budget meal for kids using horrible tasting, low fat foods. I doubt the top two contenders are fazed all that much by their little veggie-free snafu. No other chef has stood out thus far this season, not even that bossy gal who won the challenge last week by being EXTREMELY possessive about her pork tacos. Settle down, dear. No one cares if the oat tortilla was your idea. Just make the food and be done with it. Trying to verbally persuade people on this show is pointless. You get judged by what’s on the plate. YOUR LAMENTATIONS MEAN NOTHING.
Anyway, I’m desperately hoping some of the other chefs begin to stand out this season, because right now this cast is proving fairly bland. The fact that this is a two-horse race so early doesn’t help. There needs to be a bigger group of contenders at the top, because these opening episodes are always just a long wait to get rid of the chaff. Maybe oatmeal tortilla lady will triumph again. ANTICIPATION: TASTES LIKE BURNING!
WORK OF ART – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) This show is getting to be downright fascinating. Your favorite is Miles, who is a complete lunatic who makes concrete sphincters and reads entire books when he should be working. He also appears to have no mental filter of any kind. He’s awesome. And we still have evil Nao walking around, being judgmental of other people’s work when her own work is wretched. They got rid of crazy old Judith last week. This week, that one girl who always paints herself naked will probably get the heave ho, because the only thing she’s good at is being naked and relatively attractive among a group of fairly unattractive people. I’m also fascinated by the fat dude who’s really good at photography and computer design, but is really more of a designer than an actual artist. Anyway, unlike this season of “Top Chef,” it appears that virtually anything can happen on this show, and that’s what makes it so thrilling. Also, the judges are BRUTAL. Love it. ANTICIPATION: CRAZY ART HOBOS!
TODDLERS AND TIARAS – 10:00PM (TLC) Tonight, the kids participate in Brooklyn’s Darling Divas pageant. And if you thought showbiz parents were insufferable before, imagine showbiz parents from BROOKLYN, with their Bugaboos and low-carbon footprint lifestyles and love of Animal Collective. Terrifying. ANTICIPATION: PARK SLOPE!
BILLY THE EXTERMINATOR – 10:00PM (A&E) Billy tackles a home infested with a… nine-foot alligator? Really? I did not realize alligator control was within an exterminator’s jurisdiction. I thought they tackled mice and insects. A nine-foot alligator? I’m tempted to buy a rhino and toss in my house, then call the Orkin man to see if he blinks. ANTICIPATION: GATOR!
DINNER: IMPOSSIBLE – 10:00PM (Food Network) Chef Michael Irvine needs to create a gourmet meal that will fetch $15,000 for a charity auction. That steak better be made of solid gold and Streisand tickets. ANTICIPATION: CAVIAR AND STUFF!